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Dael 23

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"I'm sorry, Dael", Mairin said silently and touched Dael gently.

"Why do you care, Mairin", Dael pointed out. "Wasn't it your intention back then to use me until I was found out and then leave me to suffer the consequences? Now you get to see where it led."

"... yes, I admit that", Mairin said. "But that was then. My point of view has changed over the years too. I joined the group that wants peace between druids and wizards. Besides back then I thought you hunted druids because you liked it and were just insane. Yet, you had only been deceived."

"Well you have seen my secret now", Dael said. "Leave me alone. I'm capable of surviving alone. While I do want peace, I have no intention of joining that little group. You say 'organization', but I somehow think of only loose group of people with no real power. Just let me be in peace and tell Eskan and Jadta to leave me alone too."

Mairin sat down on the stool and stared at Dael for a moment.

"Aren't wolves pack animals?" Mairin said. "Are you sure you wouldn't be happier, if you were not alone."

"Fuck you, Mairin", Dael said and growled. "It is better alone. Your friends get involved in things. I had a friend who didn't do so. Yes, I was happy with him. He was old and sick, though. I had to bury him. I can't be friends with anyone. They all just die, betray me or I betray them."

"I'm sorry Dael", Mairin said again. "You have been just unlucky. Come with me. You are probably only cursed druid outside of Cas Canthar. Maybe you can be helped. Maybe you can be restored."

"No, Mairin", Dael said and shook his head. "I don't want that. I want to let go, but something keeps bringing me back. With it memories, nightmares and my failures. Everything. I want to stop caring about it all."

Mairin though about what Dael was saying for a moment.

"Let go?" Mairin said then. "Do you mean you want to forget yourself? Become an animal? Like rest of the cursed druids? This! This is the thing what keeps you here. Your mind. You haven't been able to let go of it?"

"Yes", Dael said.

"I'm sorry Dael", Mairin said again. "I can't imagine what you are feeling that you want to forget yourself entirely. Why are you even so much like human? I have seen cursed druids and they seem almost entirely like animals to me. Is it because of your herritage as both wizard and druid?"

"Are you sure you want to know, Mairin?" Dael asked. "Should any of this information leak to Cas Canthar, many cursed druids are going to suffer, if wizards learn of our secret."

"I...", Mairin started. "Yes. I want to know. I'm used to having such information. I will handle it with care."

"Very well", Dael said and thought for a moment. "Sometimes almost human. Sometimes almost animal. Never human. Never animal."

"What does that mean, Dael?" Mairin asked.

"It is what the cat said", Dael said. "I have found it to be true."

"Dael, I don't understand", Mairin replied. She was a bit confused. "What cat? Describe it to me some other way."

"He was another cursed druid", Dael continued. "I can't really keep track of time very well so I can't really tell when it happened. It was some winter at Thige's mine. They had us held in pens. One night I woke up. I suddenly could think clearly, like a human. I didn't understand what had happened. Then the cat spoke as I looked for a way to escape. He said it happens sometimes. We are never quite human, but never animals either. Always somewhere in between."

Dael was silent and thought for a moment what to say.

"We are not dumb, though", Dael pointed out. "We just don't... hmmm... care. We understand, but we don't care. Someone brought me food. Nice person. Someone kicked me for fun. Bad person. Warm place to sleep. Good. Food. Good. Wizards and druids and the war between them. Irrelevant. Black iron we pulled up from the mines. Irrelevant. Dwelling on bad memories and stressing about future. Irrelevant. Yesterday. Past, irrelevant. Tomorow. No point thinking about what may or may not happen, irrelevant."

"So... it just gives you simple point of view?" Mairin said. "A bit like animal? Living in the moment. Then... all the memories are there? Personality is still there? All the intelligence is there, but you just don't ... care?"

"Something like that", Dael replied. "The mindset moves about on its own sometimes. Suddenly my mind may switch to the other end. If I choose to follow one side of myself, my mind moves to that direction. Or it should. Ever since my friend, man named Markes, died, I haven't been able to. It is still there. I can reach to it. Understand it, but I can't get to it. I want peace, but I can't reach it."

"If that is what you want, perhaps we can help with it too", Mairin said. "You should come with me to Cas Denthar. You should meet some people. They could study what exactly has been done to you. We need not restore you, if it is even possible, but perhaps others would like it."

"If I come, druids will hurt me once they find out about me", Dael said silently. "I can't come."

"I'll take you to the people from the peace organization", Mairin said and sent her emotions to Dael again so that he could feel she was telling the truth. "They won't hurt you. They have lot's of different kind of people. Some warriors, some merchants, some civilians, which include people like researchers, inventors and that sort of people."

"I can't", Dael said. "I don't want to involve in anything. I won't make any mistakes, if I live alone. I have done bad things. Ruined lives. Spit on people's hopes."

"You have a chance to make up for it", Mairin kept convincing Dael. "Besides, haven't you suffered enough? If someone has suffered, it is you and it seems you still suffer. Make it end."

"I can't", Dael replied. "I'll find out eventually why I can't let go of my human side. Then I'll live my life happily in the woods."

"That is only running away, Dael", Mairin said.

"I don't care", Dael replied. "What does it matter, if I'm a coward and a failure."

"Damn it, Dael", Mairin said. She was getting annoyed. "I was intending to leave this for later when you could take it easier, but I'll have to use it now. It will hurt, but I'm sure you'll end up being much happier eventually. You will also come with me to Cas Denthar because of it."

"What?" Dael questioned.

Dael suddenly felt lots of emotions from Mairin. She was sending her emotions and intentions as strongly as she could. It seemed she didn't want Dael to take, whatever she was doing, the wrong way. Dael realized Mairin knew it was going to be very harsh knowledge to hear.

"What is this... stop, whatever this is... don't say it, please", Dael said worriedly. He stood up, but before he could stop Mairin she said it.

"Dael, your parents are alive", Mairin said clearly and without chance for misunderstanding. At the same time Mairin sent Dael more of the emotions. It was that truth.

Dael started shaking.

"I... I ... I saw them die", Dael said and fell on his knees. Then he stood up on fours and started wandering around the hut shaking his head. "It can't be true! I watched them die. The roof. It came down on them. I saw it. I see it again and again in my nightmares. Then I burned. I have seen their graves. It was Firkirt who told the hunters. The hunters wouldn't have let anyone live. I'm alive only because no one in their right mind thought someone survived it."

"Your mother", Mairin started. "She tricked everyone. Apparently they got only minor injuries when the roof came down. They thought you were dead. From their point of view you died just like you thought they died. When they tried to get back to you the house only collapsed more. The hunters were coming so they did what they could. They made some corpses seem like they were them. Gave them their things. Then the corpses burned unrecognizable."

"No!", Dael shouted. "Theeey wouldn't have left meee. Theyyy would have stayeeed until they'd finnnd me! Corrrrpse or not!"

"There was no way to get to you", Mairin said. "They had seen you die. They don't know you are alive. I know this only because I discussed it with some of the group members. They had to escape. They started over again at Cas Denthar. They quit the group so that they would be safe even, if the rest were found out."

"Againnn! AGAINNN!", Dael shouted. "My life is a joooke! A crrruel joke! All theee things I did. The way I beccame! They werrre aliiive all the time! Why. What have I dooone to deserrrve this!"

"You couldn't know Dael", Mairin said and tried to calm down Dael. "Your parents didn't know either. They know very little and have lived peacefully ever since they reached Cas Denthar. And you know what, Dael. You have a brother."

"What?", Dael said and stopped wandering around. Turned to face Mairin. "Brother?"

Dael received emotions from Mairin telling it was the truth. "His name is Jael", Mairin said.

"Is he... like me?" Dael asked. "A halfbreed? Why aren't they in central kindoms. It's not safe in Cas Denthar or Cas Canthar."

"I don't know", Mairin said. "Come with me, Dael. You can see your family. Talk to them. I'm sure despite everything they will still care about you. It will be a safe place to live while my friends will study what has been done to you. Then that knowledge can be used to help other cursed druids. If you still want it, the same knowledge may perhaps be used to help you to let go of your mind too."

Dael's mind was at turmoil. Nothing was again how it had seemed. Everything was right and wrong again. What to do?

"I... I'll come with you", Dael said finally. He wanted to see his family. He wanted it too much to say no.

"Thank you, Dael", Mairin said and gently brushed Dael's head. "Things should go better now. Perhaps your nightmares and fears go away."

"Perhaps", Dael said. "What if... they are disgusted of me. When they see me that I'm not human anymore. Do they even know what I have done? All those things."

"People can forgive a lot of things", Mairin said and tried to calm down Dael some more. "The most important thing to them will be that you survived."

"Maybe", Dael replied. "Where do they live anyway?"

"Northern Cas Denthar", Mairin answered. "Close to Deishaad, Cas Denthar's capital, as you probably know. They apparently have a house in the woods nearby."

"I don't want to be discovered", Dael pointed out. "How do we get there. Surely Cas Denthar keeps eye on their borders for intruders like wizards do. Do you have your equivalent of hunters?"

"I admit, yes, we do", Mairin said. "I don't like them. Even less after I kept snooping around information and they gave me some pretty thinly veiled threats. But fear not, Dael, I got a plan."

"And?" Dael asked.

"We will smuggle ourselves in", Mairin said. "I'm sure we can convince Jadta and Eskan. I'm sure they got their own business in Cas Denthar too."

"Mairin", Dael started. "What makes you think they want to help me. Jadta and I don't exactly like each other. I even stole a sheep from him just to mess with him...and started all this."

"You are indeed such a wolf, Dael", Mairin said with a grin.

"I'm aware of how fitting it was", Dael said. "But he deserved it. He always herded those damn sheep near people and they got scared. Even more when they got near to me. Then he threw rocks at me so that I'd stay away. Fucking idiot."

"That's Jadta all right", Mairin said. "His anti magic sheep were interesting touch, though. They can walk trough detectors and at the same time carry the goods. I don't know how he manages to hide stuff in their wool, but it does work. Anyway, trust me. I can convince him. I'll tell him I know you. He may pester me for a while, but he knows I'm tight lipped when needed so he will give up."

"Hope you are right", Dael muttered.

It was already night, but Dael decided to leave with Mairin back to Eskan's and Ressane's house. No one was out anymore in Takrak. Just fine time to conduct shady business.

"Why did you bring him here, Mairin?" Jadta asked once Dael and Mairin got in.

"I made a deal with him", Mairin said. "I know who Farn is under that cloak. Haven't seen him in a long time, but he is very interesting fellow."

"Wait, you know who Farn is?" Eskan said as he suddenle appeared around the corner. "Enlighten us, Mairin."

"No, it doesn't work that way", Mairin replied. "Trust me that Farn really doesn't work for anyone and he really couldn't care less about your doings. There is a very good reason why he is still even in Takrak and without it he wouldn't care a single bit of this place either. In short, your business is completely safe."

"Mairin! Seriously, tell us", Eskan complained.

"Can't, sorry", Mairin replied to her brother. "Part of the deal. Yet, I have something to ask of you. I want you to smuggle us to Cas Denthar. I'd rather we are not seen by the border guard."

"You can't be serious", Jadta said. "Farn messed with me. I don't do any business with him."

"Sorry", Dael said.

"Jadta, I got an offer for you too", Mairin said. "I know who was behind the incident at Ghandria's border. I hear you wanted to know."

Jadta was about to say something, but he silenced immediately.

"I'll tell you about it, if you smuggle us over, ok?" Mairin offered.

Dael had no idea what it was about, but it seemed like it was very important to Jadta.

"Damn it, Mairin", Jadta said. "I can't decline an offer like that. Your information better be good."

"Have I ever failed you, Jadta", Mairin said and grinned a bit.

"No", Jadta said and shook his head a bit. "How soon do you want to leave?"

"As soon as possible", Mairin said. "I see no point in waiting."

"Tomorow evening then", Jadta said. "Eskan, can you take care of my sheep. There won't be goods available yet in Cas Denthar."

"No, Jadta, I'm coming with you", Eskan said. "I got things to handle at home."

"I'll keep your sheep fed then", Ressane said. "I'm not going back to Cas Denthar. Too many odd things happening there."

Jadta sighed. "Fine then", he said. "The four of us, me, Eskan, Mairin and Farn will go. My wagon should be fine enough to get over the plains. I need to pad the wheels so we can move without making sounds. Hopefully we don't bump into any Waktaster clans. We may be able to buy our way past, if we do, but I'd avoid it."

"Who are they?" Dael asked.

"I'm surprised you don't know", Jadta said. "You keep eye on everything, but you don't know anything about your surroundings? Seriously. I don't like you, Farn. Anyway, they are warrior clans living in the plains next to Cas Denthar. We will be passing trough their lands. They got a deal with druids so they don't mess with them, but we may be another thing. They are crazy. Weapon experts and love pain and blood. Wizards or druids? Waktasters don't care. Neither stand a chance one on one against Waktaster warrior basically no matter how powerful."

"Ah, I see", Dael said.

"Well, then", Mairin said. "If everything is in order, now we just wait."

Jadta left by then. Most likely to sleep or possibly set up his wagon for the trip. Regardless, it was rather late and Ressane went to sleep too.

"So, sis, who is this guy?" Eskan asked Mairin. "Now that we are alone, surely you can tell."

"Not my secret to reveal", Mairin answered. "He can tell it himself, if he likes."

Dael sighed. "I ... uh... I had the pleasure to meet your sister some ten years ago", Dael said. "And with pleasure, I mean displeasure."

"So you didn't get along?" Eskan said curiously.

"An understatement.", Dael said. "Indeed, I plotted to murder her around then and also take enjoyment out of it. All the while Mairin kept blackmailing me about certain things. Yet, it ended up to a point where we both did actually help each other. More or less. Because of Mairin, I found out something important. It broke me, but I no longer lived in a terrible lie. I didn't really want to see her ever again, but she managed to convince me to come with her this time. That is all I'm going to say."

"I see", Eskan said.

"Don't worry Eskan", Mairin added. "Things are different now. We get along now!"

"Uh, sure", Eskan said. "I think I'm going to sleep now too. It is a long day tomorow."

Dael and Mairin were alone again.

"You too", Mairin said. "Don't worry. Things are going to be all right."

"I'll believe it when I see it", Dael replied.

"You should cheer up", Mairin pointed out. "Things should look good for you now."

"Not the first time", Dael said. "Each time I have been let to enjoy the good time for a moment and then it is torn away from me brutally."

"Maybe it doesn't happen this time", Mairin said. "Try to be more optimistic. Just how much more bad things can happen to you? Surely good things will come to you eventually."

Dael didn't answer anything.

"Tomorow is going to be a long day", Mairin said. "I know a corner where you can sleep and no one will accidentaly bump into you."

"I'll go sleep later", Dael said. "I don't really sleep much at night. I go sleep closer to morning and wake up somewhere during the day."

"Hmm... not surprising", Mairin said. "Perhaps I'll stay up a bit longer then. Let's talk. Would you be willing to tell me what happened during these years. If you can remember, that is."

"I... I do remember, but it is hard to put things in order or when it happened", Dael replied. "What is in the past just is like a huge pile of memories that are not in any order. Its just all past."

"Well, some stuff probably doesn't matter, if it isn't in any order", Mairin told Dael. "Some things I can probably put in order myself. I'm just curious. You might remember something you just didn't care about. I'd like to also hear things that have nothing to do with druids or wizards. You said you had a friend. How did you get to Takrak. That stuff."

"I suppose I can tell then", Dael said.

Mairin and Dael talked a lot. There was much that Dael could tell to Mairin so they spent hours. Dael told about his time after he had been captured and how he had been captured. How he had attempted to attack Carmatas. The life afterwards. Living as a slave. The escape. Visiting home. Markes and what kind of person he had been and how Dael had met him. Coming to Takrak.

"I had no idea you were that strong", Mairin said. "Sure, I knew you were strong, but not to that extent. I think I'd have altered my plans entirely."

"You know, for that reason wizard's measure their children's powers", Dael pointed out. "There would not be surprises. My attack could have worked had Carmatas not been so good at making shields."

"They would have sent army after you had you won and escaped", Mairin told Dael. "Carmatas was Cas Canthar's council member."

"Perhaps things could have gone different way", Dael said. "No use crying over spilled milk anymore. I did what I thought was my only chance."

"Yes, well, please continue", Mairin said.

It wasn't also about Dael all the time. Mairin told him about things she had done. Considering Mairin's profession it was probably a rare occassion for Mairin to talk about herself and her life. Like how she had become part of the peace organization. She had first come to them only because she thought they would not harm her. Indeed they didn't and while Mairin stayed with them she had learned to understand their ways and that they had made sense. She worked with them using her skills of spying to find out things they needed to know. Mairin had stayed more or less active all the time.

Eventually both, Dael and Mairin, went to sleep too.

The next day was kind of uneventful. This was fine to Dael since he had other things to think about. Such as what was he going to do when he reached his parents. Maybe Mairin was wrong and just had been led to believe the things she told. Anything that could happen would have it's effects such as shock, emotional torment, fear, displeasure, hate. All of these would be possible. How could Dael just walk before his parents as he was and tell the things he had done?

As far as the preparing for the trip went, Dael had practically nothing. With exception of his clothes, he only had a few coins and those he used to buy some food. Afterwards he watched as the humans spent so much time gathering their things together. Dael realized he really didn't need almost anything. If he didn't need his disguise he wouldn't have anything. The humans, Eskan, Mairin and Jadta. They had so many things to do. Clothes, supplies, maps, weapons, tools. They spent time planning. There were indeed times when Dael realized just how different he was even when his mind was closer to human. He eventually decided to ignore it. It didn't matter.

Even, if Jadta had agreed to smuggle Dael over the border, he still made it clear he didn't like him. He told Dael he still believed he stole the sheep and to that Dael pretty much replied that he didn't care. Dael was, after all, leaving Takrak and probably not coming back. Not any time soon at least. He hoped he wouldn't see Jadta again anytime soon after they had reached Cas Denthar.

Then finally the evening came.

"Everyone ready?" Jadta asked. "We won't be coming back, if you forgot anything."

"I'm sure we have enough", Mairin told him. "You and Eskan have been doing this for a while. I'm not any beginner either."

"I don't need much", Dael told Jadta. "Let's just go. While I'm not exactly eager, I'd still like this whole matter over without any delays."

"Yeah, fine", Jadta said. "Get on then everyone. The trip will take almost a week... perhaps a bit more, if weather is bad. There aren't many obstacles on the plains so we will be mostly moving during night. We will rest during the day. If I say something, you do it. We don't need any arguing."

Everyone nodded and got on the wagon. While the wagon was not small, with the supplies and the people, it wasn't exactly roomy. Mairin sat next to Dael who was at the corner sitting among some food supplies. Eskan was on the opposite side while Jadta was at the front steering the wagons and controlling the horses.

Takrak was quickly left behind. With the padding that Jadta had added to the wheels the sounds were muffled quite a lot. The wagons probably could move pretty much unseen during night. At first Jadta had the horses go along the road, but then at some point at night he moved on less used paths. Finally by the time when sun was coming up Jadta stopped the wagons behind some rock formation. It seemed to Dael that Jadta knew the place and he probably did. The wagons and the camp was hidden and camouflaged.

"I'm going to rest now and I suggest same for everyone", Jadta said after the camp was set up. "We will leave again once sun goes down. We will move from hiding spot to another and repeat it until we are at Cas Denthar."

Indeed, it was a well planned path. One that Jadta knew from start to its end. During the second night the path became much less rocky and bumpy. Jadta said that they had crossed Jajend's border and were on the plains now. There were apparently very few obstacles on the path there. Very few trees. There were some rocks here and there, some old fortifications and hills, but that was pretty much all.

Things went smoothly until the third morning. The camp had  been just set and hidden inside a small ravine with some fresh water at its bottom.

Just as Dael was about to start eating a small animal he had discreetly caught, his ears suddenly perked under his cloak. He heard something. Horses. Still far away, but as far as he could tell they were coming right at the camp site.

"Horses", Dael said as he returned among everyone else. "Coming here."

"What?" Eskan said. He had been keeping watch at the time. "I hear nothing."

Mairin had stood up.

"Where?" Mairin asked.

Dael pointed the direction.

"I still hear nothing, sis", Eskan said to Mairin.

"Trust me", Mairin said. "If Farn says it, then it is probably right."

Eskan looked at Dael's direction for a moment and then shook his head and sighed. "Fine. Let's check it."

Jadta had woken up. He was apparently used to sleeping during day.

Mairin went up to the edge ravine edge. Around that time Eskan said he finally heard the noise as well.

"Well?" Jadta asked Mairin.

"Waktasters", Mairin replied. "Riding right here. It looks like they know we are here. They got their weapons out."

"Damn it", Jadta said. "We can probably pay to them for the passage. This is their land and we are intruders. I got some things among the supplies."

"How bad is this?" Mairin asked.

"Depends on what mood they are on", Jadta replied. "Let's just say I hope they agree to a trade."

After a while Dael heard the horses stop. Everyone were prepared to fight. Then some men and women with some huge muscles walked down the ravine with their weapons out. They had many scars and it seemed like they were on purpose leaving them visible under their clothing and armor. They had massive axes and greatswords that they apparently waved around like they were much smaller weapons. Dael had once tried a greatsword. They were rare among wizards since very few could wield one. It had seemed somewhat cumbersome, but Dael knew very well that such a weapon could smash trough any physical defense.

"Ahh... intruders indeed!" Said one of the warriors, a large man with some heavy looking armor. "State your business."

"We are just passing trough", Jadta said. "We did not intrude to mock you or thinking you would be too weak to protect your territory. I can pay for a right of passage. I have some black iron goods. If that doesn't interest you, I have some luxury items too that your people rarely get access to. How does it sound?"

"I see", said the warrior. "You all seem like weaklings to me. I, the mighty Robtan, do not desire your black iron. We have enough. Nor do I need your... luxury items. Children's toys, who are not yet strong enough to wield a weapon or pretty clothes or perfumes for girl's who do not wish to fight. These things do not interest my future wife who is a warrior of great strength!"

Jadta cursed a bit.

"Then maybe there is something else you want?" Jadta asked. He didn't sound too hopeful.

"Indeed, when I saw you intruders, I thought I'd let you pass", Robtan told Jadta. "Then I thought I could use some entertainment to impress my future wife and her father! I desire battle! I invoke the law of passage by combat! I shall challenge one of you to a one on one fight as my clans champion. Should you impress me and my clan, either by winning or dying gloriously, you shall be free to go. If you do not impress me, we will strip you naked and let you run over the plains while our warriors chase you down as practice targets."

"Crap", Dael thought.
Chapter in which things happen yet again. This is pretty close to stuff that personally interest me. Not many chapters to that. Also not too many chapters until some of the mystries behind this entire story is revealed. Afterwards the story start to move towards it end. The end, though, is still far away. I wonder, if I ever reach it.  :| (Blank Stare) 
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